Christmas, Californian NHL style

Here's a little Christmas thing I wrote but never finished since it wasn't going anywhere. Instead of letting it go to waste, I'm gonna post it here in the hopes that someone might find it entertaining.

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‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the coast,

The Kings were still sleeping, the Sharks choked on toast.

The players laid their sticks against the chimney with care,

Except Ryan Smyth, who just kept stroking his hair.

The fans were snuggling outside the rinks,

The weather was so cold that it shriveled their d*nks.

Inside, the coaches had to scramble and dash,

While George Parros combed his mustache.

Then suddenly on the ice there was a blood spatter,

And the players came out to see what was the matter.

Just when they thought the night couldn’t get longer,

They saw the hapless victim along with Chris Pronger.

“Did you miss me?” Pronger said with a stance,

As the Los Angeles Kings wetted their pants.

“Get out of this place,” the Ducks said with a stare.

The Sharks said nothing, as they don’t own a pair.

Finally Lupul came up and said to the man,

“I’m sorry in Philly, you can’t get a tan.

But your place isn’t here; you’re no longer a Duck,

And what you’re doing here, I don’t give a f**k.”

Pronger smiled. “It’s Christmas, didn’t you hear?

Hence my presence is really nothing to fear.

I’m only here to have fun and laugh and play,

Because it’s a magical time, this Christmas Day.”

Giving Lupul a playful punch to the arm,

Pronger went to prove that he meant no harm.

The three Pacific teams decided to have a good night,

Except for Parros and Shelley, who got in a fight.

When the night was all over and all was calmed down,

Jolly Saint Nick walked in with a frown.

“What’s this? What is Pronger doing here?

He’s been an extremely bad boy this year.”

Pronger came up and gave Nick a hard check.

It was so hard, he lacerated his neck.

“You’re lucky this time, it wasn’t a fist!

That’s what you get for putting me on the naughty list!”



(...I kinda gave up at this point.)