Jen Signs The Ducks' Yearbooks (Part I)
by Arthur from Anaheim Calling on Apr 10, 2010 10:00 AM PDT
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PrintARTHUR:
So, not that long ago, we started the search for a free agent to add to the writing staff here at Anaheim Calling. We've gotten a pretty enthusiastic response, and we'll be trying out some new contributors during the offseason. Show them some love, and throw them some feedback.
First up is Jen (aka Sticks.Gloves.Shirt). Jen knows her hockey, and she's 150% personality, so we were glad to take a look at what she can do. Get an eyeful after the jump...
JEN:
UPDATE: Disclaimer: Jen is just a Ducks' fan and has been one since moving to California in 1996. She is not, in any way, connected to the Anaheim Ducks organization. What she writes are her opinions, and are intended for entertainment only. Relax, laugh, and enjoy the First Amendment at work.
I wanted to take a moment to reach out personally to a few members of the Ducks, reflect back on the season that was and offer ideas of what to work on during the summer break.
Bobby Ryan
A big summer ahead of you, young Jedi. Two 30-plus goal seasons have endeared you, and your perfectly coifed bed head, to the hearts of Ducks fans. Tim Ryan, Bob Murray and The Samueli’s have listed you (with Perry and Getzlaf) as the future of the organization.
For the summer: 1) Sign early. No need to wait until July 1st. I’m predicting Murph is going to give you a deal like Getzlaf and Perry - long term (take it for UFA status) at a little over $5M a year. Sure, you’ll receive "Dustin Penner-esque" offer sheets from other teams, but do other teams have Newport Beach and silicone as far as the eye can see? Nope. 2) Work on your poker face. You take hundreds of shots a game. No need to look to the heavens or do a head down pout on the bench each time. Get over it. 3) For the love of all things holy, stay away from Joffrey Lupul. You’re young. There is no sense in becoming a douche bag this early.
Ryan Getzlaf
You know I adore you, right? Wanted to get that out of the way before I said this, I get that playing for Canada in the Olympics is a big deal, but seriously, they aren’t paying your salary with ridiculously high ticket prices. You’re 25. There will be more Olympic games for you. While gritting out the ankle sprain in the Olympics is admirable, we had a playoff hunt to resume. Instead of starting the season up again at 100%, we got you at 75% (I’m being generous) and then lost you again. If we’re going to continue this relationship, please consider MY feelings.
For the summer: 1) If you need surgery on any body part, including hair restoration treatments (you’re a marquee player in the NHL, you need hair), please get it NOW. The late groin surgery in the off-season really hampered your start to this season. 2) As the likely next Captain of the team, shut up on the ice. Unless something truly egregious happens, don’t follow the ref around yapping. My guess is that most of the PG comments contain the word "stuff" and all the sports clichés you’re so fond of. No one needs to hear that.
Corey Perry
What happened?!? You were off to a great start. Then I kinda forgot you were on the team. For that, I don’t have much to reflect on…
For the summer: 1) Promise me you’ll never, ever, ever, grow that creepy flesh colored beard again. Someone is lying to you if they tell you it looks good. 2) Drive up to LA and take some acting lessons. There is no way in hell that officials are going to let you get away with what you did this season. Work on that "What?! Me?!?" face and proper diving procedure (I recommend seeing Paul Kariya for that technique).
Joffrey Lupul
I’ll give it to you, there were high expectations coming into the season. The player we gave up for you left a gaping hole, and we hoped your offensive prowess would make up for some of the loss. Instead, you were struck by a back injury, surgery and subsequent blood infection. Here’s what I don’t like: through the media you were optimistic about your return to the team during the season, stating how much you wanted to get going on physical therapy. Then, turns out, you like to boost your own narcissistic ego and started a Twitter account (as if the "In the Loops" blog wasn’t enough). Here’s how your "tweets" panned out by theme: 85% partying and/or girls, 5% stupid comments that make you look like a moron, 5% music, 2.5% hockey, and 2.5% physical therapy. If that wasn’t enough, you weaseled your way onto the team’s road trip to Canada, only to announce that you wouldn’t be coming back that season; ergo, partying on the company dime. For those facts alone, I give you my "Douchebag of the Season" award.
For the summer: 1) Here’s a novel thought, cut back on the partying and work on your hockey! Whoa! I know. Sometimes I even amaze myself. If necessary, I will place an anonymous phone call to the health department to have Sharkeez shut down. 2) Delete that damn Twitter account. I know that, as a player, you’re a product that needs to be marketed, but you aren’t helping yourself. My guess is that the Ducks’ brass know what you’re writing, and so do other teams. Help your own stock by sticking to the "In the Loops" blog that can be edited by the Ducks people. 3) Stay away from Bobby Ryan.
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Welcome Jen!
At this point I’d be fine with Getzy rocking the Messier look. Just pick one and go for it. The aging hipster look, however, doesn’t. Pick full or empty. Not the middle.
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by Bleys on Apr 10, 2010 10:12 AM PDT via mobile reply actions
Cool look forward to this. Welcome aboard Jen
My Big Board
Lead organizer of the annual 7 round live mock draft at MtD and Moderator on Anaheim Calling
by TheAngelsColts on Apr 10, 2010 11:03 AM PDT reply actions
I never thought I’d read a compelling argument to give “Douchebag of the Season” to anyone other than Perry, but you’ve got pretty good points. Damn — this is perplexing.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
I am here to open up a dialog, Earl. Challenge the thought process or what (or whom) defines a true d-bag :)
"I'm not a lady. I'm a DUCK!" - Connie Moreau, D2: Mighty Ducks
I guess I use it in a sense of “one who regularly earns the scorn of others”, and that’s Perry’s entire game. Running goalies, yapping, diving, and most importantly scoring goals. Plus his face is quite hatable on its own merits.
At BoC, we’ve already coined a term pretty much for Perry — he scores a “Douche Trick” when he gets a goal, an assist, and collides with a goaltender. So yeah, it’s semantics. Your reasons for picking on Lupul are quite valid too.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
Oh, I should add — all of this we say as Perry fans. I love how much he angers others. “Douchebag” in his case is a point of pride.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
Totally agree. Perry’s status goes without saying. He’s a perennial douche, but he’s also a douche I’d rather have on my team than playing against me.
"I'm not a lady. I'm a DUCK!" - Connie Moreau, D2: Mighty Ducks
Great, that’s 5 more months he’s going to be out, now.
I'm here! I know, I brighten the room. Everything's better.
by brokenyard on Apr 10, 2010 12:29 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
There’s no way he’s going anywhere now. He’s ruined his own future by “tweeting” his entire life. Being that transparent shows that he isn’t dedicated to rehab as much as he living the So Cal lifestyle.
In full disclosure, I liked him when he was on the Mighty Ducks before shipping him off to Edmonton for Pronger. Once Lupul went to Philly, he developed the ego. He was officially added to my shit list after this quote from his road blog for the Flyers:
What do you miss the most from Philly while you’re on the road? Here was Lupul’s response:
From a game standpoint, I miss our fans. On the road, there’s not a whole lot of buildings that compare to the energy of Philadelphia, especially when you go to places like Columbus and Anaheim. It just doesn’t have the same emotion as it does when you play in front of your home fans in Philly, and as far as I’m concerned, they are the best fans in the league and we definitely miss them.
"I'm not a lady. I'm a DUCK!" - Connie Moreau, D2: Mighty Ducks
Yeah, I remember reading that. I also remember a lot of people being excited to have him back, then I thought “Am I the only one who knows what he said about Duck fans?”. Seems I’m not. Though he’s a douche, I liked his play on the ice before he got injured and I still think with his services we’d be looking at this season differently, perhaps.
There's nothing to see here. And nothing gazes back at me.
I’m not defending a guy, but at the time he said that, I’m sure he was still pissed at an organization he scored 30 goals for and then traded him.
I’d be pissed too if I was shipped off to from Southern California to Edmonton AND the team I left won The Cup.
Still, it was a knock against the fans, not the team. I would like an apology, dammit!
"I'm not a lady. I'm a DUCK!" - Connie Moreau, D2: Mighty Ducks
Simply brilliant. Welcome aboard. I couldn’t help but think the same thing reading Lupul’s twitter. What a queef
There's nothing to see here. And nothing gazes back at me.
haha great writing personally i like the things u wrote about lupul and how he should stay away from bobby ryan
Good Stuff
Easy on the getz’s soldiers. They’re fighting hard to stay! Let them be! ha ha But I like your style I think you could of been worse on Lupul. Im over his stay in here in Anaheim after seeing pictures and videos of him with my girl Jayde Nicole. He crossed that line that a guy shouldn’t of crossed. Ship him out.
Getzlaf's attitude
Getzy has got the skills and he has been picked as the face of the franchise as well as being a feature on the NHL. What he doen’t have is consistency on the ice. I’d like to see him work on showing up to work each day. All year long we heard the same mantra from him and all his team. We weren’t emotionally engaged, or we didn’t play the full 60 minutes. Geez, get off it and play already.
It’s been said about him since he was scouted in Calgary. But I challenge anyone to find a physically contentious game where Getzlaf wasn’t a difference maker. When we put Getzlaf against checking lines and played the game he loved, he always showed up. Now, we’re putting him up against top lines, playing a lot less of a physical game and generally asking him not to mix it up and retaliate (which always results in penalties). We’re really asking him not to be Getzlaf. For that, I’ll give him some adjustment time. It’s like asking Giguere to play stand-up.
by Arthur from Anaheim Calling on Apr 10, 2010 8:53 PM PDT up reply actions
LOL ANYONE SEE JLUPULS TWEETS ABOUT THIS
I think you hit a sensitive spot. Ha!
by Kducker on Apr 11, 2010 9:43 AM PDT via mobile reply actions
Question for Jen
If people who have a twitter account are narcissistic, what are people who ‘follow’ those narcissists? Sounds like a recipe for unhappiness to me. There’s too much hate in the world already girl; please cheer up.
P.S. Some might classify reading comments about your thoughts as narcissistic.
Hey Clo!
I appreciate the feedback. It’s good to hear all sides.
I should probably add a disclaimer that says this is intended to be a humorous piece. I am in no way a professional writer (I’m a Financial Analyst, by trade), nor do I aspire to be a journalist in anyway. I’ve been a Ducks fans since I moved back to the OC in 1996. This is the first time, aside from Ducks TV, that I’ve been able to make a hobby out of something I love – Ducks hockey. You’re right, reading comments about what I wrote is completely narcissistic. I couldn’t agree more! Hell, this is the first thing I’ve ever written that’s been published on a website. Of course I want to see what people said, the good and the bad :)
While I can see how this comes across as negative, it’s all said in good fun. Am I bitter that the season ended the way it did? Hell ya! Am I writing down the random thoughts in my head because AC asked me to? Yep! Do I blame this entirely on Lupul? NOPE! The entire team takes a share of the blame for this one. Lupul took the brunt of my satirical rage. It had been festering since the quote (above) about Anaheim fans.
On a random side note, my favorite band is 311. I carry with me at all times their message of positivity and love for all. I’ve even got a tattoo that says “Stay Positive and Love Your Life”.
Feel free to ask any more questions, within reason :)
"I'm not a lady. I'm a DUCK!" - Connie Moreau, D2: Mighty Ducks
Fans have a right to an opinion. Jen took a couple shots at some young guys who DID underperform this year. It was a humorous article focusing on how some fans feel about the way these players performed. This is a place for fans to talk about hockey. Opinions come in all forms.
Daniel, I couldn’t agree with you more about having a forum for opinions, blogs, twitter, sky writting, it’s all great and shouldn’t be censored. To tell someone they need hair plugs or giving out a douchebag award is a “personal attack”, funny as the read may be. A general rule of thumb is to not write anything you wouldn’t say directly to the person’s face. So BORING, I know.
I respect your “if you don’t have anything nice to say” rule of thumb, clo, but there’s a reason the Supreme Court has a different standard for public figures in terms of slander and libel. It’s important for any society to ridicule the same figures that you can deify, even in jest. This country should not be any more awestruck by Lindsay Lohan than it would be by George Bush.
And this is a satirical article, not a “personal attack.” Jen doesn’t spend her 800 words simply namecalling. She makes valid points, some nice jokes and yes, even vents some frustration. We are very tolerant of back and forth that is actually humorous here, and we expect no less from our writers. If Christopher Ho had used a degree of wit, his comment would have stayed.
by Arthur from Anaheim Calling on Apr 11, 2010 11:58 AM PDT up reply actions
Christopher Ho's comments
were deleted as they amounted to a personal attack, which is not permitted on these threads. Feel free to repost your thoughts without the personal attack, but remember that while we have not been a humorous site this season, this is clearly a humorous article.
by Arthur from Anaheim Calling on Apr 11, 2010 11:13 AM PDT reply actions
If anyone missed it above...
Lupul had this dig for Anaheim fans last year, and if he doesn’t respect us as fans, I don’t know why we can’t have a little humorous fun at his expense as a player:
From a game standpoint, I miss our fans. On the road, there’s not a whole lot of buildings that compare to the energy of Philadelphia, especially when you go to places like Columbus and Anaheim. It just doesn’t have the same emotion as it does when you play in front of your home fans in Philly, and as far as I’m concerned, they are the best fans in the league and we definitely miss them.From Lupul’s Philly blog, reproduced here.
Sorry if Jen had a little more emotion than you were expecting.
by Daniel AC on Apr 11, 2010 11:48 AM PDT reply actions 4 recs
P.S.
OH, and as I recall, when Vancouver was in town just recently…THEIR FANS WERE LOUDER THAN DUCKS FANS!!!
What happened to speaking our minds?
wow edictor of Anaheim calling…you deleted my comment? The one that came before P.S.! What happened to being able to share our opinions? Only those who agrees with Jen’s blog are allowed to comment? LAME!!!
Nope you can disagree with anyone but when you are in any way attacking the poster then it won't be ok.
Also you obviously don’t understand that Jen has created this in a humorous way and all you are doing is coming her and attacking not disagreeing in a productive way.
My Big Board
Lead organizer of the annual 7 round live mock draft at MtD and Moderator on Anaheim Calling
by TheAngelsColts on Apr 11, 2010 1:32 PM PDT up reply actions
I didn’t read your comment, but I’ve been told it was just attacking ducks fans and defending members of a particular section?
Also, you went after Jen for joking about the Ducks personal lives, but claimed to know what every single Ducks fan is like as though you were able to identify how much of the Ducks fan base actually cares, is fair weather, etc. The moderators made the decision to cut it, but from what i’ve heard, it wasn’t much of a valuable comment in the first place. It’s a humorous piece, and if you’re countering with some sort of serious anger, you’re already wasting comment space.
by Arthur from Anaheim Calling on Apr 11, 2010 2:21 PM PDT up reply actions
I know there are a lot of frustrated fans out there.
There are lots of places that disheartened Ducks fans may chose to take out their anger on a specific player, coach (cough) or GM. I appreciate Jen’s levity at this dismal point in the season and she makes some very valid points while having a bit of fun at the expense of the younger Ducks.
I would much prefer humor as a coping mechanism for this season to a protracted shouting match until next September.
"Abtholoootleee"
Many of these guys don't get the humor I guess.
My Big Board
Lead organizer of the annual 7 round live mock draft at MtD and Moderator on Anaheim Calling
by TheAngelsColts on Apr 11, 2010 1:33 PM PDT up reply actions
I guess because Lupul took it personally, everyone else has.
by Arthur from Anaheim Calling on Apr 11, 2010 2:26 PM PDT up reply actions
Lmao
Did Lupes actually read this? He said you had him rattled, Jen! The only thing that should have him rattled is the fact that his team underperformed tremendously.
Also, if he’s going to get bitchy over this, perhaps he shouldn’t have taken a shot at us fans to begin with. If we don’t even compare to Philly’s fans, why does he give a fuck what Jen thinks?
There's nothing to see here. And nothing gazes back at me.
I think the ‘excitement’ he displayed about coming back here wasn’t about the fans at all anyway. Who wouldn’t want to live here? When he screws up, he’ll have a couple people ranting on blogs, not a number of papers announcing it like there were in Edmonton.
Don’t get me wrong (and I’m sure Jen would agree), the guy didn’t look bad at all when he played and the fact that he had a blood infection is a serious matter. It’s just the things he says on twitter don’t make it seem like he was focusing completely on recovery. That aspect along with the comment he made about us fans when he was in Philly can make for a pretty good excuse to take shots at him. By no means was Jen attacking Lupul as a person and I really think he’s got nothing to whine about.
There's nothing to see here. And nothing gazes back at me.
by Natesaduck on Apr 11, 2010 3:01 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
All very well said, Nate.
"Abtholoootleee"
by Floyd Gondoli on Apr 11, 2010 3:35 PM PDT up reply actions
the things he says on twitter don’t make it seem like he was focusing completely on recovery.
That’s a pretty conjectural conclusion to seriously make, though. Because he’s not tweeting about it constantly, he’s obviously not focused? Just trying to point out where he’s coming from in being offended.
I'm here! I know, I brighten the room. Everything's better.
You’re missing some details in my comment. “the things he says on twitter don’t make it SEEM like he was focusing COMPLETELY on recovery.” I’m not making any assumptions. For all I know, he was focusing 24/7 and made up things to say on Twitter. I’m just stating what it might look like from a fan’s point of view. And apparently, I wasn’t too far off in my observations.
There's nothing to see here. And nothing gazes back at me.
Hey Newport is a very hard town to stay focused in.
by Newport Rebel on Apr 12, 2010 11:05 AM PDT up reply actions
I should point out
Lupul’s In The Loops Blog isn’t very well edited by the Ducks’ people. He had this to say from his recovery bed:
I’d write more right now but I’m heavily medicated and I don’t wanna say anything I’ll regret — like “learn English, nurse!!!”
As most of the nurses in LA County and Orange County (including some of my relatives) are Filipino, I wasn’t very amused by that.
by Arthur from Anaheim Calling on Apr 12, 2010 9:27 AM PDT reply actions
For all you know the nurse could be a latino male. I hate that people get offended so easily nowadays.
There's nothing to see here. And nothing gazes back at me.
Uh, I was addressing THIS:
Help your own stock by sticking to the “In the Loops” blog that can be edited by the Ducks people.
i’m not saying I was personally offended, but simply pointing out that it’s offensive and I thought the organization would have weeded it out of his blog. Regardless if it was a latino male or a filipino male (and my cousin is a filipino male nurse at cedars sinai), no one’s PR agent would let their client get away with that, as its generally frowned upon for a multi-millionaire athlete to challenge someone’s command of the English language when that person probably put themselves through nursing school to sponge bathe fat people and wipe octogenarian asses, so Lupul sticking to the “In The Loops” blog isn’t necessarily bulletproof either, which is what I was saying.
Although, statistically, foreign nurses recruited to the US have always been majority Filiipino, with as many as 90% of recruiting classes coming from the Philippines, and five years ago 55% of the foreign trained nurses sitting for the RN exam in the US were Filipino. There are more specific numbers for California, where he had his operation, but it’s actually a statistical likelihood, on a national level, that if you have a problem with your nurse’s english, it’s a Filipino nurse. Even if it wasn’t his statement isn’t PR safe.
by Arthur from Anaheim Calling on Apr 12, 2010 4:16 PM PDT up reply actions
I guess I thought I needed the Filipino angle to point out that it was a directed offense and not just a jab at an amorphous group of foreigners, but as you guys don’t seem to find it offensive either way, I’ll assume it plays better politically in the OC
by Arthur from Anaheim Calling on Apr 12, 2010 4:22 PM PDT up reply actions
Sure, it’s not really funny, but I’m with Nate, I just really can’t get angry about that. Plus he did say he was heavily medicated and might say something he’d regret, right before saying it.
I'm here! I know, I brighten the room. Everything's better.
again, not crucifying the guy, just saying that he can still Biden himself from the confines of ducks.com. He didn’t need a Twitter account to start doing it.
by Arthur from Anaheim Calling on Apr 12, 2010 4:18 PM PDT up reply actions
I think you need a twitter account, but here’s Lupul’s tweetcloud.
No “party” or “girls” tag. Though “boys” and “guys” are both in there. Hmm.
I'm here! I know, I brighten the room. Everything's better.
Ok I get that this post was meant to be satirical....
But lets recap—
-Lupul is a “Douchebag” because?
1. When he played for the Flyers he acknowledged that home games in Philly are more intense than the Pond.
Hello? Have any of you seen a run of the mill regular season game in both places?
2. He suffered a herniated disc which required surgery. Then gets a spinal infection so serious they had to go in and do a second surgery. In the process he loses 25 lbs.
“I haven’t been cleared for any contact or anything like that and I won’t be during the regular season. The doctors made that clear to me. It’s frustrating in that sense. Even when I get myself feeling better here, I probably won’t be able to get back and help the guys.”
Notice the part about doctors needing to clear him, not to mention the fact that he was working towards being available for the playoffs, but we know how that ended up.
So apparently you all needed a reason to vent, and Lupul who was injured is a convenient scapegoat. Better to focus all that anger at a guy who wasn’t able to play, rather than on the team and management that was available, I guess.
You people seem preoccupied with 10 minutes worth of twitter comments, and taking umbrage at the fact that someone comment about a nurse who can’t speak english properly, but none of you thought that a comment about Getzlaf going bald was petty and insignificant? Get a life.
uhh, Getzlaf going bald is also meant to be funny, because he’s a young guy and he’s already working on the combover. The fact that you didn’t get that makes me wonder if you really did get that this was meant to be satirical.
The heart of the joke on Lupul has nothing to do with his being laid up with the blood infection. He was cleared for physical therapy around the Olympics to gain back his twenty pounds. And he was very excited about it at the time. The joke is that he presented a very dedicated player persona to the press but was tweeting about partying. It’s a juxtaposition that is in and of itself funny, not a judgment of the player. I doubt anyone is actually defined by their twitter accounts and their image in the press, but if Tiger Woods were tweeting about how much he loves his wife and having romantic evenings with her, it would be funny, regardless of what the actual truth was.
Geez, I know that Sports Soup show doesn’t get many viewers, but you would think Sports fans would reach 2010 without being so humorless. GET A SENSE OF HUMOR
by Arthur from Anaheim Calling on Apr 13, 2010 12:46 PM PDT up reply actions
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