Shear The Beard?

ARTHUR:
With the playoffs continuing, sadly without the Ducks, I thought we should do a whimsical post.

Every year, NHL players observe the postseason beard tradition. A smaller portion of the NHL fans grow their facial hair in solidarity.

Daniel, you and I are members of the latter group, and as the practice is one of superstition, I have a question of etiquette, of proper magumbo procedure, if you will. Is it acceptable to trim and shape your beard, or must every hair grow unimpeded until your team is eliminated?

DANIEL:
Trimming the playoff beard is not allowed. The entire point of the practice is to refrain from changing anything, for fear it may affect the outcome of a game. As the person who is most frequently blamed for magumbo violations on this site, I try to stick to a strict beard regimen. By strict, I mean I don't do anything. During the occasional deep run, like 2003, I will shampoo the beard, to mitigate the itchiness. But trimming is not allowed.

However, 2007 produced a strange moment in my beard magumbo that has me wondering what to do. 2007 was my last year as a competitive speaker, and shaving is a requirement for competitions. It was my last national competition, and I shaved in the middle of the first round of the playoffs. Initially, Arthur blamed for a loss to Minnesota. But, I think everyone knows how that season ended.

ARTHUR:
Full disclosure, I trim and shape. I just try to keep it even as it grows, but I don't keep it at a standard length or anything. Still, I think Daniel and Robby can attest that a beard on me is the worst thing to happen to a human face since whatever afflicted John Merrick. Even as it is, clean and maintained, it's a terrible thing to impose upon courtrooms and client meetings across the Southland. I can't even imagine what would happen if I went Full Hobo.

And I think that's a perfectly acceptable line to draw. If I was a professional hockey player, it would be accepted, indeed expected, at my workplace for Ferngully to be running amok across my chin. At my actual workplace, even the topiary garden I had was frowned upon. So, I showed my support without endangering my gainful employment.

Cop out, I know. They lost because of me; I realize that.

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