S#*! Announcers Say: NHL Playoffs Round 2

Even I can't make up crap like this

After the first round, I introduced a new series documenting the ridiculous stuff play-by-play and behind-the-glass announcers say over the course of a game. Remember, this doesn't include quotes from the intermission "experts". Those idiots say so many stupid things, attempting to document them would break the internet.

Here are my findings from the second round.

[Ed. Note: These are early - I know. I'll be on a plane during Game 7. If anyone says anything worthy of this list, please add them to the comments.]

***

Game 1: Nashville at Phoenix. Broadcast Team: John Forslund & Joe Micheletti

-- "Shane Doan has been the spiritual leader of this team" - Joe Micheletti

-- "His stick is so good" - Joe Micheletti [The player is crap, though.]

Game 1: Washington at New York. Broadcast Team: Mike "Doc" Emrick, Eddie Olczyk & Pierre McGuire

-- (Said this while screaming at the top of his lungs to the point where his voice cracked) "WE'RE SEEING A STAR BEING BORN RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR EYES" - Pierre McGuire [I honestly had no idea who he was talking about.]

Game 1: Los Angeles at St. Louis. Broadcast Team: Dave Strader & Brian Engblom

-- "They were ready to run into each other...literally" - Brian Engblom [Oh, 'literally'. I was worried they were 'figuratively' run into each other. That play always works in hockey.]

Game 1: New Jersey at Philadelphia. Broadcast Team: Mike "Doc" Emrick, Eddie Olczyk & Pierre McGuire

-- "Even before the days of miss-i-les , there were miss-i-les and anti-miss-i-les that are part of the checks and balances that do make this interesting" - Doc Emrick [Doc has good analogies, but this one went way over my head.]

***

Game 2: Nashville at Phoenix. Broadcast Team: John Forslund & Joe Micheletti

-- "Phoenix played well, taking out Anaheim in the first round" - John Forslund [Holy shit! We actually made the playoffs?!]

-- "They need to be cold and hard when it comes to numbers for Nashville" - John Forslund

-- "You can soak up that emotion" - John Forslund

***

Game 3: New York at Washington. Broadcast Team: Mike "Doc" Emrick, Eddie Olczyk & Pierre McGuire

-- "Del Zotto looks like he has a piano on his back right now" - Pierre McGuire

-- "The probing continues" - Doc Emrick [That's what she said, ahthankyouverymuch]

-- (Accusingly) "YOU DON'T THINK THESE GUYS ARE IN SHAPE AND DON'T CARE?!" - Pierre McGuire [Not sure who provoked him.]

Game 3: Phoenix at Nashville. Broadcast Team: John Forslund & Joe Micheletti

-- "A team searching for its inner identity and they found it in this third game" - John Forslund

Game 3: Philadelphia at New Jersey. Broadcast Team: Kenny Albert & Pierre McGuire

-- "Check out that 'do', Pierre" - Kenny Albert

Game 3: St. Louis at Los Angeles. Broadcast Team: Dave Strader, Brian Engblom & Brian Hayward

-- "Mike Richards doesn't back down from anyone" - Brian Engblom [Unless you're a handle of Jack, I'm pretty sure that statement is false.]

-- "They have really dumbed-down the tempo" - Brian Engblom [Huh?]

***

Game 4: Phoenix at Nashville. Broadcast Team: John Forslund & Joe Micheletti

-- (Annoyed) "Good stick. You've said that a lot in this series" - Joe Micheletti

-- "Give Ray Whitney a lot of chance" - Joe Micheletti

Game 4: New York at Washington. Broadcast Team: Mike "Doc" Emrick, Eddie Olczyk & Pierre McGuire

-- "{Insert hockey every hockey commentary cliche that you know}, eh Eddie?" - Pierre McGuire [He was especially active with the cliches this game. 1 out of 10 times, Eddie would acknowledge him.]

-- "How many times is Ovechkin not gonna score on that deflection play" - Doc Emrick

-- "Don't miss the net" - Pierre McGuire

-- "I asked for my milk money early so I could take some your tips" - Pierre McGuire to a silent Eddie Olczyk [Pierre brought up the Kentucky Derby, a favorite of Eddie's, multiple times. Pierre never caught on that Eddie's silence meant he didn't want him to tag along. Awww-kwaaard.]

-- "Swede past Swede past Swede to the back of the of the net" - Pierre McGuire

-- "He's mad at himself. He's swearing in Slovak" - Pierre McGuire [Not only does he know the midget league team every NHL player played for, he's fluent in Slovak. Not really.]

-- "And though this is Washington part of the tape wasn't erased and we can show it to you" - Doc Emrick

-- "That's a laser beam because of the notification" - Pierre McGuire

-- "They brought Boyle's stick over to the Rangers bench and its fractured in two places. Just so you guys know, in case someone asks" - Pierre McGuire [I think you're safe on this one, Pierre, but thank you.]

Game 4: St. Louis at Los Angeles. Broadcast Team: Dave Strader, Brian Engblom & Brian Hayward

-- "Anze Kopitar has been a horse in this series" - Brian Engblom [I know he's not the most attractive man, but that's a little mean.]

-- "Jordan Nolan must be a morning person because he's coming up big" - Brian Engblom

-- "You don't have to play 20 minutes a game to have significant income" - Brian Hayward

Game 4: Philadelphia at New Jersey. Broadcast Team: Kenny Albert & Pierre McGuire

-- "Talbot and Giroux are like peanut-butter and jelly on short-handed goals" - Pierre McGuire

-- "The Red Hot Chilli Peppers played here the past few nights" - Pierre McGuire

***

Game 5: New Jersey at Philadelphia. Broadcast Team: Kenny Albert & Pierre McGuire

-- "That's what they need from Zac Rinaldo, a pugnacious game" - Pierre McGuire

-- "It's a little bit like what happened in Happy Days, eh Kenny?" - Pierre McGuire

-- "They're pocket hernias" - Pierre McGuire [I had to rewind the DVR 3 to 5 times to make sure I heard that correctly. Then I flipped on the Close Captioning and my hunch was correct.]

-- "In every series there is a feeling of inevitability. One team is inevitably gonna win. One team is inevitably going to lose" - Pierre McGuire

***

Game 6: New York at Washington. Broadcast Team: Mike "Doc" Emrick, Eddie Olczyk & Pierre McGuire

-- "He's become a useful NHL player" - Pierre McGuire

-- "Hockey is a three-ring binder. You keep popping it open and putting new chapters in" - Doc Emrick

-- "If you gave Chimera 10 pucks, 9 of those would go in" - Pierre McGuire

-- "Is that what it's called, Eddie? 'Slop'?" - Pierre McGuire

-- "That's Braden Holtby's mom. Don't you think she went through some calories tonight. Woah." - Pierre McGuire [That's rude! I think...]

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