In case you forgot, Daniel is here to remind you of the joys of watching hockey and hating. Have a good time.
DANIEL: This is Anaheim Calling to the Hockey World. It's been a little over a week since the last time I did this. In case you forgot why I do it, it's because I got a second job at a movie theatre so I can save up some extra cash to get an engagement present for my girlfriend. That means I watch games late after they've happened or in this case the next morning.
20:00: This celebration is kind of nice. Reminds me of Selanne's. That was nice. Marchant's wasn't bad either, and I liked Todd, but Selanne is Selanne.
20:00: I got a Sausage Biscuit so I wouldn't get hangry during the game and say something mean about...who are we kidding, I'm going to say some mean things tonight :)
00:30: I don't agree with the Palms to the first line move, but I can see why it was made. Etem was deferring too much to the Twins and not being aggressive. Even if his game looked good up there, he needed to be more decisive.
2:10: The Ducks are on their heels. The Blues look like a high school Bully right now.
3:10: NO tripping call for Perry. He needs to sacrifice a live chicken or something and get the hockey gods to love him again.
4:20: Etem just bit on that fake shot like it was a pastrami sandwich from Langer's
4:35: Good stick work by Sbisa to negate a pass to the point. I refuse to make a "that's what she said joke".
5:01: How can Perry not get that call but this St. Louis clown gets one for falling down?
6:21: I finally found someone who can benefit from abstinence only education. Close your legs Fasth.
7:40: No shots on goal yet. I wonder if anyone is going to try and get the puck deep and wear down the Blues defense.
8:25: Damn, the Blues are a good defensive unit. They move the puck so efficiently; it's like they outsourced their D-zone passing.
9:10: I'd say something about Cogs' inability to clear the zone tonight, but that's pretty much been everybody.
10:05: That Getzlaf pass to Perry was so ugly Howard Walowitz tried to date it in high school
11:09: I'm glad that play finally worked for Bobby Ryan, but Brian Elliott should be a little embarrassed, like mom finding the playboys embarrassed. Sidenote: Etem seems to be a bit of a lucky charm. He isn't getting points, but the line he is on seems to find the back of the net.
11:30: Staubitz just whiffed on a hit attempt. Reminds me of Alex Rodriguez in the playoffs. I'm just waiting for Murray to decide he needs to give up our second round pick we got in the Lubo trade to reacquire George Parros who is now making more money than he would have if we had just signed him in the first place.
12:04: Cogs got it on net! I'm really happy for him. There should be a commemoration at the next home game.
12:28: I can appreciate wanting to make the puck settle before playing it, but when the defender is already on your back, maybe you should just play it to the boards somewhere, Souray.
12:49: If there's a part of Palms' game I'd want Etem to pick up, it's that confidence in his shot. When Palmieri knows he's alone and has space, he has no problem letting it fly. Etem needs to pick up on that.
13:13: How bad of a pass does it have to be for Getzlaf to not be able to extend and control it? Allen created that turnover with that pass, a defensive defensemen should know better (said in the voice of Treebeard, upon discovering the work of Saruman)
13:31: I love how often I see Etem in scrums. That kid has a little chip on his shoulder. I'd like to see him drop the gloves at least once.
16:02: I thought Bonino was about to be on the 2-o-1 and there were still two Blues defensemen. I'm telling you, they outsource their defense. Nobody is that efficient unless they are running a sweatshop to make Nikes.
16:02: I haven't really noticed the Blues announcers. Maybe they aren't as obnoxious as the Sharks guys, or I'm way too happy from my Sausage Biscuit :D
15:15: Pietrangelo just abused Allen along the boards, like show the therapist on the doll abuse. I haven't seen someone get Twisted like that since Keith Sweat. Youtube it you young bastards.
15:30: I'm pretty sure that puck went through three white jerseys. Does anyone else want to see if they can stand in front of Fasth? There was so much room there, I'm sure we could have fit a few more players in front of him. The look of exasperation on Allen's face after it went in was priceless, he is one turnover away from going Michael Douglas on everybody. If only I could remember the title of that movie...
15:50: Did Bobby blow a tire, or was that right ankle bothering him. I don't know. But I do know Robby is holding his breath right now.
16:10: Sbisa made the right decision getting up into that play, Selanne just couldn't connect on the pass. Sbisa has calmed down a lot over the past few games.
16:32: They just said we have allowed a league high 16 goals against in the first period. The Humanity! The Horror! The awfulness of being a team that can come back to win games!!! Bite me St. Louis announcers.
16:55: Cogs has speed and a developing 2-on-1. He skates wide and sees Koivu coming down into the slot, so he decides to hit the third man in hopes of having an easier pass and a definite shot on goal. He somehow managed to miss Wade Redden backchecking like Conan the Barbarian one stride behind Koivu. Cogs owes Koivu a hug. Also, shoot the puck Cogs. Hitting the net twice in one game is totally acceptable.
17:15: Allen's physical game is so strong he's hitting his own guys just to prove how hardcore he is. Take that Nick Bonino! Allen is worth his money!!
17:30: Bonino manages to win the puck despite being surrounded by two Blues. That's some good effort.
18:40: Perry needs a hug, or a girlfriend, or a hobby, or some copal, or something to get him out of this funk. I'm used to Getzlaf trying to pass through a sea of defenders, but not Perry.
19:24: Fasth is looking pretty human tonight. I will call that rebound agua fresca, because it was juicy.
19:24: Also, is it too soon to talk about how badly I wish Chris Stewart played for us? I think he'd be a great option on the top line, and we've needed a top LW since almost forever.
20:00: Here's to hoping this game doesn't get anymore painful. The Ducks offense has been a little stagnant, or maybe non-existant is the better term. I'd say we need to get the points more involved because the Blues are so good down low, but we'd need to win a battle along the boards to even make that an option
00:35: I think I've finally figured out what I dislike about Cogs so much: It's like watching two different players, and not in that streaky Hulkzlaf way. It's more of a Jekyll and Hyde kind of thing that is controlled by the blue lines. In the defensive zone he has a sense for the right play, even if he can't always execute it. In the offensive zone, he's blundering and can't really execute. It's like watching Eddie Valiant convince Roger Rabbit to take the drink, except Cogs is Eddie Valiant AND Roger Rabbit.
1:10: Sometimes my game center on PlayStation app skips like a CD and I have to watch the same thing happen over again, like when Cogs finally got a golden opportunity to show me up after I called him offensively inept, and Koivu put the pass just too far on his backhand for him to get a shot away. Sidenote: if talking about Andrew's offensive game like this somehow gets him going, I will respect magumbo and continue to hate on that fool, because around here magumbo trumps all.
1:51: That was some Three Stooges nonsense right there. A blues defender pulls out of the way and Etem went crashing into Bobby Ryan. I heard sound effects and everything.
2:36: Great play by Allen. He sees a soft floater coming across, gets his whole body in front of it, and then smoothly plays it deep in the zone. For the sake of my summer, I hope Hanley Ramirez was watching that.
3:50: Panger just said Perry looks distracted and that maybe free agency is the cause. I wouldn't be surprised to find out this is true. I think Perry's an extremely aware person, and he might want a contract extension more than Getzlaf, if only because all the signs don't necessarily point to him staying. He'd better fucking stay though.
4:09: No joke, my hands went in the air when Cogs shot that. I was almost proud of him.
14:51: Poor Etem can't buy a goal. He's been in the crease with so many rebounds that just won't lay flat. This kid needs the floodgates to open.
5:08: I don't know how Bobby Ryan made that happen, but good work forcing Perron into the near post so the net went off its moorings. Bobby just saved a goal. Typing that made me want to go buy canned goods.
5:42: I like Etem's decision to shoot; I hate his shot choice. This is the NHL kid you aren't going to beat a lot of goalies to the far side when it's protected by the glove hand. That has to go in the pads or to the blocker so you can chase down a rebound.
6:25: Just watched Perry try to beat out an icing. It was sad. He looked like a has been boxer all punch drunk in the 8th round.
7:07: Of course then he follows that up by applying good pressure on the forecheck despite being dead ass tired and contributing to an icing call against the Blues. That was good work by him and Getzy. Also, my cat is snoring. That's where this game has gone. It has bored my cat.
8:01: Cogs just paid Koivu back for that bad pass earlier by passing it poorly to Koivu on the give and go. :(
8:16: Staubitz starts a little mess with Reaves that doesn't get anywhere, and Lovejoy makes a good decision to shoot the puck and get a whistle.
8:42: Things have gotten all Helter Skelter. Palms sends it all the way back to the defensive zone when he tries to play it to the point, and Fasth almost gets caught out of his net playing it right back into the St. Louis forecheck. It's like a Mel Brooks movie in here.
9:22: I had the thought that I hadn't really noticed Lovejoy tonight except for a couple of really good decisions he's made. I thought about commending Murray for getting a decent bottom pairing guy for a 5th round pick. As soon as I went to type those things, Lovejoy gives it up behind the net and it leads to a scoring chance. The magumbo has spoken.
10:49: Beauchemin has been listening to too much Red Hot Chili Peppers. It's just the hook Beauchy; you don't actually have to give anything away.
11:22: The Blues feed just showed some dude in a Luchador mask. I don't know why that's relevant, but he looked ridiculous and made it on TV, so that's a win for him I guess.
11:27: Just saw my all time favorite Perry move, where he backs into the slot from behind the net and flings it on goal. That fool needs one of those things that makes the beeping sound when giant vans back up, just so defenders can have some kind of warning of what's coming their way.
11:45: St. Louis defenders admonish Beleskey for getting in the way of Perry's shot and potentially stopping a goal. Beleskey is the saddest of puppies right now. Goes to the net and causes more problems for his team than the defense. Won't someone please just scratch Beleskey behind the ears. That's all he wants. Just a little scratch. But, no. He ruins too many scoring chances for the Twins.
11:10: In case everyone forgot. Getzlaf went to school at Hogwarts. I know this is true because he just missed Perry up the middle of the ice on a long clear attempt and then used magic to get the Blues defender to send the puck to the boards, where Getzlaf was waiting for it. That only happens when you use magic! #Hogwarts is real!
12:44: Teemu continues his climb up the goal scoring chart. That man could shoot into the empty net, and it would still be a beautiful goal. That's how damn good he is.
12:45: Palms-Bonino-Etem. Don't think Gabby. Just do it!
13:25: Cogs looked like a monkey celebrating that goal. His arms were everywhere. That's the kind of bounce you need sometimes. Also, the magumbo has spoken. I just watched the replay. So Lucky! I can hear Gordon Bombay in Brain Elliott's ear, " A quarter of an inch, a quarter of an inch the other way..."
14:21: Elliott needs some love. Bobby Ryan isn't going to miss from there. There hasn't been anyone that alone since Neil Armstrong stepped on the moon.
14:21: I almost reached through my screen and slapped Darren Pang. Bobby Ryan is the most dangerous player on that line? Have you not watched Teemu Selanne for the last 20 years? I would have pulled his hair, but Panger is as bald as an eagle.
14:21: The Ducks have scored three goals in the past 1:41. Sports: the only time when scoring three times in two minutes isn't a problem.
16:00: Sbisa wins the one on one battle and gets the puck free along the boards; Ducks still can't clear.
16:18: Bobby Ryan always makes me remember this scene in the original Goal movie. It's about a young Latino kid who gets recruited to play in the EPL. Anyway, there's a scene where the coach tells the kid to beat the ball down field, and of course he can't. The lesson is obvious. Bobby has a tendency to be that kid, and he has somehow given that tendency to Corey Perry. They both need to stop trying to stick handle through defenders.
17:00: I haven't seen Etem or Palmieri for at least ten minutes. I get that Bruce had to do something to get the offense going, but is the solution to not play your two best wing prospects at all?
18:20: Winnik might be having his worst game as a Duck, which is kind of like saying sunny and 65 is awful weather in January.
00:00: Boudreau's tie is horrible. Straight horrible.
20:00: Ducks start the third period with a lead. What will happen? I'm curious to find out.
20:00: It just occurred to me that Selanne has three points tonight. This man might average a point per game this season. He really is amazing.
00:47: Just listened to Darren Pang explain how the knob of Fasth's stick caused the penalty. I could have sworn it was Backes leaning into him as he tried not to lose his check behind the net, but you know, whatevs.
1:36: I don't know how turning into the check is a better option than passing behind the net to your support. Clearly, Lovejoy has a secret strategy to improve our PP that is similar to President Bartlett's secret plan to combat inflation.
2:17: Perry is alone between the circles and didn't shoot. That man has less confidence than a Republican talking in front of the National Association of La Raza. Also, I found Palmieri. I don't know how I missed those little red stripes around his jersey.
3:00: It occurs to me that I will never again behold the beauty that was Perry-Getzlaf-Selanne on the PP. Why doesn't Bruce see that the problem was him trying to turn Getzlaf into Ovechkin, and not that combination of players?
3:01: What just happened?
3:01: Just watched the replay. That goal was soft and fluffy. It just rolled right under Fasth. That goal was so soft that it gets snuggled by that creepy bear who advertises those dryer sheets.
5:55: Bobby got caught watching the shooting lane and the puck just rolled away from him. It was kind of odd to watch. It was like in Beerfest when that last drop falls out of the beer and onto the table. Yep, exactly like that.
6:00: I haven't talked about Getzlaf a lot tonight, and I haven't decided if that's a good or bad thing.
6:48: Cogs just whipped a bad pass to Bonino and made a poor clearing attempt. I'll have to figure this Cogs magumbo out: compliment the D, he starts messing up. Critique the O, he scores....I'll get it right eventually. In the meantime, I'll watch the Ducks play in their zone for a second.
8:40: This third period has been pretty uneventful. Either that or my lack of sleep is catching up to me. Palms, Etem, and Staubitz haven't taken an ES shift since the second period. That's foolish on a back to back. I don't care what the score is.
10:20: I wonder if players can hear the commentators who are between the benches, and whether or not they listen to them.
12:00: That's Allen earning his money. Didn't overcommit on the 2-on-1. Stayed at home, and took away the pass. He forces Oshie to shoot, and gets a blocked shot. That's very well played.
12:31: Then Allen gets caught playing goalie and waving at a shot, and as a result Steen is left unchecked and can get to a rebound. Just let me say nice things about you Allen! Just let me give you a damn compliment before you go doing something all crazy like that!
13:20: Ducks haven't had a shot in eight minutes. They needs some speed, and Bruce has two rookies have some of that riding the pine. If he isn't going to have confidence and play them in tough situations, why are they here? Send them back to the A and let them flank Holland.
13:40: As soon as I type that, Selanne attacks with some speed and causes a little chaos that Bobby turned into a goal for Koivu. Good pass, good finish. I wonder how long it'll take for Boudreau to break up this line...again.
14:34: I think I've done a good job avoiding any Polak comments this game, don't you agree?
14:34: That's a tough call to go against you. Feel bad for Getzlaf, but I'm happy it wasn't Allen. Is that wrong?
15:30: Another PP goal given up. Ducks couldn't clear the zone, and Blues keep up the pressure. Stewart did a good job pushing off to get his space and leave Souray on an island. We need to be better at killing penalties.
15:42: Why haven't I said Souray's name more? I feel like he's been in the mix a little, and not always in the good way.
17:16: Beleskey blows a tire chasing a rebound. Still no Palms or Etem.
17:25: Fasth might have just saved the game for the Ducks. All hail the hockey gods. Hail! Hail! Hail!
18:26 Selanne just decided to be hockey jesus with the move. Praise hockey jesus! It is right to give him thanks and praise!
19:30: Bonino very quietly had a good game.
5:00: If this goes to a shootout, I might have to reconsider these posts.
00:15: All this open ice, and no Etem. I sometimes feel that even though Bruce will switch line combinations more frequently than Carlyle, he can get just as attached to combos he likes.
2:13: Teemu's wife should be jealous, because he has been all over this ice tonight.
2:51: Pietrangelo blew by Souray as if he was standing still.
3:25: Perry can't get the puck to settle in front of the net. You'll feel better after you sign an extension Pears. Trust me ;)
4:37: That was totally goaltender interference; don't cry like a soccer player. Berglund made sure to hang out in the crease.
5:00 I guess this is a shootout. Why are there always shootouts when I do these? I just want to comment for three periods!
Oshie: Fasth stayed with him, not a great move by Oshie.
Teemu: That wasn't a glove save by Elliott; it was awesome aiming by Selanne.
Tarasenko: Call the PO-lice. Vladimir got robbed by the post.
Saku: Call the ambulance, Koivu has been sick all night!
Perron: That was a strong backhand. Fasth might have called him daddy after Perron skated away.
Bobby: Ummm...I don't know if copying Teemu is going to fool Elliott. I'm just saying...
Stewart: Fasth really needs that abstinence only education
Corey: WoW! Perry just put a beat down on Elliott. The way Perry flung that puck you'd think Brian owed him money.
Steen: Better to be lucky than good I guess. Right now Fasth's legs are open like an Orange County Jack in the Box. Panger just talked about how Fasth's stick is off the ice a lot. Something I hear people say about Hiller too.
Ryan: Getzy does have a very solid backhand. It's gotten better over the years. He loves cutting across from the right side like it was his third kid.
Berglund: He just shoots it wide. That was some hockey karma for Fasth.
Nick: Let's go Bones! That's a pretty classic move, cut across on the forehand and get the goalie to open the pads. Looks like Elliott and Fasth could end up in class together.