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Jen Breaks Up With Randy Carlyle

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ARTHUR:

Anaheim calling to the hockey world...

Our offseason writer tryouts continue. If you're interested in joining the staff, you can still email me at anaheimcalling[at]gmail.com. We've gotten plenty of interested emails, but I haven't heard back from a lot of people, so you'll still be close to the front of the line.

We have PhantomPretender on deck for next week. He's interested in covering more of the off-ice stories of Ducks fandom. Ideal for the offseason, no? But for this post, we're giving Jen another at-bat after a solid debut. Again, show her some love and throw her some feedback.

After the jump, Bob Murray may be giving Randy Carlyle the Tammy Wynette treatment, but Jen's ready to see other coaches...

JEN:

My Dearest Randy,

We’ve had a good run. Can you believe it’s been seven years? The time has flown by. We’ve shared so many laughs (ok, me only, you don’t smile much), tears (again, me only, and mostly this season), and joy (mainly just me, but you were probably happy winning The Cup).

I just, well, I feel that things aren’t the same between us anymore. We’ve stopped communicating (hence the letter). You no longer inspire me (or our Ducklings, for that matter). There's no spark. The passion is gone. After Pierre Page, I told myself I would never be with another man who couldn't perform, and it’s become quite obvious that you can’t perform with the team you have now. I’m a fan. I have needs, too.

I think it’s time we start seeing other people. You’ve probably been eyeing a spot in Toronto, so go for it. You have my blessing. Yes, Ron Wilson is there, and Burkie is standing by his man. Still, I know Brian, and he'll come to his senses eventually. Until that time, maybe you should move back to Canada for a while and just reconnect with Burke. He needs you more than I do right now.

As a part of the breakup, I’ll give you custody of Newell Brown and Dave Farrish. Also, in an act of good faith, I’ll throw in Joff-- oh wait, I shouldn’t go there. Anyways, don’t worry about Bob Murray. Bob and I...well, it’s complicated. I was ready to write him off, but the Lubo trade helped…slightly. He knows I’m watching how he handles our little one, Bobby, this summer; it's a crucial point in our relationship.

I can’t thank you enough for all that you have done for us Ducks’ fans. After Mike Babcock dumped me, I didn’t think I could love again. You showed me that the dream was truly achievable (at least when you had all the RIGHT players). For that, I am forever grateful to have had you in my life.

But really, in the end, it’s not me, it’s you.

Xoxo,

J

Disclaimer: Jen is just a Ducks' fan and has been one since moving to California in 1996. She is not, in any way, connected to the Anaheim Ducks organization. What she writes are her opinions, and are intended for entertainment only. Relax, laugh, and enjoy the First Amendment at work.