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Jen's Fairytales: Journey of Sir Bobby (cont'd)


Hope you had a good nap. Are you ready to finish our story about dear Sir Bobby?

Just before the mole people could attack Sir Bobby in Bakersfield, he was, yet again, summoned by The Baron. During battle, Sir Beauchemin the Spleen Burster was hexed by a gypsy, causing his leg to shrivel up and fall off. It would take six months for the sorcerers to re-grow Sir Beauchemin's leg, and because of this, his gold coins would not be counted against the CBA treaty's mandate.

Sir Bobby was practically guaranteed a long-term spot in the battalion, yet, he decided to conference with Baron von Burke. Seeing the success of Sir Sidney the Valiant, and knowing that he had done all that the Baron had asked, Sir Bobby issued an ultimatum, "Use the second best knight in all the Empire's talents in protecting Anaheim, or find another realm that will." Luckily for the citizens of Anaheim, this ultimatum fell on deaf ears, for the Baron was in a transition of his own.

The Baron was leaving the realm of Anaheim for the once-great realm of Toronto. He knew that if he could turn Anaheim into a war machine, he would be able to do the same with Toronto. It was at that time that Baron von Burke handed over the reigns to his assistant War Lord - The Fairy Bob-Father.

The Fairy Bob-Father did not send Sir Bobby to another realm. Now comfortable in his surroundings, Sir Bobby turned into the knight he knew he could be - an offensive weapon. He complemented the two superstar knights in the battalion, Sir Getzlaf the Gladiator and Sir Corey the Creepy Flesh-Colored Beard, all the while endearing himself to the citizens of Anaheim. Ladies wanted to lay with him and men wanted to be him. It was more than Sir Bobby could ever dream of.

At the end of the 08-09 War, even Emperor Bettman and his advisors were singing the praises of Sir Bobby. After each War, the top three apprentice knights are summoned by the Emperor to attempt to pull the Calder Sword from the stone, and Sir Bobby was one of those three. Ultimately, Sir Mason the Man-Wall from the realm of Columbus was the only apprentice able to release the Calder Sword from the stone.

Going into the War of 2009-2010, many were concerned about a witch's spell "The Sophomore Slump" that befalls many a second-year professional knight. Yet, it seemed that Sir Bobby was immune. (Perhaps due to the perfectly coifed bed head?) Although Sir Bobby was off to a slower than expected start, he continued to be the killing machine the realm of Anaheim needed.

One person not immune to witchcraft of any sort was the leader of the battalion, General (Sir) Carlyle the Crabby. It was no secret that The General did not favor first and second year knights. As Sir Bobby went through streaks and slumps in battle, The General would demote Sir Bobby to fighting alongside the weaker members of the battalion, and publicly criticize the young knight through the town criers. The General's actions befuddled many of Anaheim's citizens, leading them to only one plausible explanation - witchcraft. Only a man under a witch's evil spell would act in this manner.

The War of '09-'10 was a disappointment to be sure, and not just in regards to Sir Bobby. The knights of the realm of Anaheim fell far short of expectations. Some chalk it up to the most powerful hex in the entire Empire - "The Curse of Sir Pronger the Punisher," but again, another tale for another day.

Following the War, Sir Bobby faced an uncertain future because his compensation contract with the realm was set to expire on July 1st. It would be up to Sir Bobby and the Fairy Bob-Father to negotiate the new terms. Many of Anaheim's citizens were worried about the Bob-Father's ability to negotiate, as it had proven to be lacking in the year prior (see Sir Beauchamin the Spleen Burster). Luckily, Sir Bobby is under a trance, as are most apprentice knights. He is unable to communicate directly with other realms. Realms may offer Sir Bobby compensation contracts, but the Fairy Bob-Father yields a magical pen that can match the compensation contract and keep Bobby in the realm of Anaheim.

At the time that this scroll was scribed, Sir Bobby is still not officially returning to the realm for the next War. Both Sir Bobby and the Fairy Bob-Father have gone to the town criers with updates of the negotiation. Sir Bobby appears to want to return to the realm of Anaheim, and the Bob-Father will do what is necessary to get him back. This scribe is sure that the Fairy Bob-Father will make good on his word, or the entire Anaheim realm will be chanting "off with his head."

I wish I could say this story ends with everyone living happily ever after, but we'll just have to wait and see...

Good night and sweet dreams.