ARTHUR:The Ducks are opening a restaurant at the John Wayne Airport and looking for fan-submitted name suggestions. I haven't been a fan of these fan-named promotions, though I was, admittedly, scorned by the "Freeway Faceoff," which has its own Wikipedia page, incidentally (Editor's Note: I am seriously considering a Wikipedia account just to add the link "Worst Names Ever Endorsed By A Professional Franchise" to the See Also section).
I had nothing against the Top Shelf Dog, but I have a feeling something stupid is going to win this Airport restaurant contest. Something clever in the way that my grandfather is clever when he's off his meds, or the way a three year old is clever . . . when he's off his meds. Something like "Duck a L'orange" or "The Flying V." As such, I have submitted these worst names ever, knowing that they give me the best chance of winning (though I believe there's no particular prize for this contest, so we're talking moral victory here, folks).
Luckily, Anaheim is at a point in its season where the foregoing nonsense and the presence of this contest on the Ducks front page seem out of place. The seventh place, but two-point-lead-holding, Phoenix Coyotes are in town to tangle with the Fearsome Fowl, and this game means four points and the false, but nevertheless comforting, security of a temporary playoff spot.
Fearsome Fowl, there's another awful name. I should submit that one, too.