I started writing this column last season towards the end of the year and once the season ended became notably less motivated to keep doing it because the Ducks weren't in it anymore and quite frankly everyone decided to stop being funny. Or I got lazy. Take your pick.
But the new season is now a little over three weeks old and the Twitterverse is once again back to its fully-entertaining self. And we're starting this season's editions of The Best of Twitter off by giving one of the newest Ducks the spotlight for the entire show.
Dustin Penner has been an interesting subject of debate here at Anaheim Calling. On one hand many of us thought this experiment would fall flat. His time with the LA Kings was marred by extended periods in the proverbial doghouse and healthy-scratch time.
While opinions on him still are still hotly debated, there's one thing nobody can disagree with: Dustin Penner knows how to Twitter.
If you haven't followed him yet, trust me it's worth it, regardless of what you think of the guy.
From time to time you get the no-context-needed gem such as:
Hey @twitter u should make a brown check mark for pieces of (crap) on here so that the general public knows without them having to talk— Dustin Penner (@Dustinpenner25) October 10, 2013
Or this quip from the home opener:
Or take these early-season thoughts into consideration:
Things I've learned so far.R goalies hate pucks.Getz can still thread a needle in the dark&pears is a wacky inflatable arm flailing tube man— Dustin Penner (@Dustinpenner25) October 17, 2013
... yeah I can see it.
But Dustin's true genius doesn't go on display until the trolls come calling. You know... those green, wart-covered things that sit behind their keyboards and throw out insults for no real reason? (You mean the Kings' Twitter account?) Yeah, those guys.
Dustin Penner is a master of dealing with trolls, second only to perhaps the great Paul "BizNasty" Bissonnette himself. After a few unsuccessful years in Los Angeles and Edmonton, you can see why a few people might be upset with him and his performance (or in LA's case they probably just don't even know he was ever on the team).
For example, take a look at what happened right after Dustin posted a small quip about rain in Southern California:
Ah, but have no fear, Dustin would not be dissuaded by a mere Twitter troll.
.@claymedic I'd say buy a sense of humor but unfortunately they don't sell them.Mine would be too expensive evidenced by u not getting this— Dustin Penner (@Dustinpenner25) October 10, 2013
And from there the conversation just gets better and better.
But what's really worth noting is the chaos/hilarity that erupted when the trolls struck again immediately after Dustin was concussed by Ryan Garbutt of the Dallas Stars.
A simple tweet like this:
Thanks for all the well wishes. Proud of how the guys bounced back and crushed the stars after. #143— Dustin Penner (@Dustinpenner25) October 21, 2013
Started drawing mounds of crap from everywhere. Even with a concussion and having been unconscious earlier in the night, Dustin's sharp tongue was not hampered at all.
.@TommyFourPutt you're the poster child for birth control. Too bad you didn't heed your own warning.— Dustin Penner (@Dustinpenner25) October 21, 2013
Note: this guy actually changed his twitter avi because of this.
.@Stars_Insider I wish I could explain to you how stupid you are but sadly you wouldn't understand— Dustin Penner (@Dustinpenner25) October 21, 2013
"@katoverboard: Followed you because you were a good hockey player,skills don't match personality."I'll miss the time we shared together....— Dustin Penner (@Dustinpenner25) October 23, 2013
For those who were more concerned that he was simply "feeding the trolls," Penner simply stated:
Again thx for all the well wishes. As for feeding the trolls. I'm just compiling a list of people whose brains should be donated to science— Dustin Penner (@Dustinpenner25) October 21, 2013
So yeah what's the point of this entire article? Don't chirp Dustin Penner. Nick Bonino learned the hard way that you never know when he'll counter-troll you.
And likewise it was great to see old teammate George Parros, who just went through a pretty serious concussion himself, come to the rescue with some helpful advice and a thoughtful gesture.
.@GeorgeParros just got it thanks! Needed 3 lint rollers to remove all the moustache hair but nonetheless I appreciate it Jorge!— Dustin Penner (@Dustinpenner25) October 22, 2013