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Group Therapy: Funk This!

It’s been a long time coming on this very short season, yet, to our great displeasure, we’ve landed in this brutal pit of hell and some serious therapy is needed - whether we like it or not!

Bob Stanton-USA TODAY Sports

The Ducks are ugly right now, aren’t they? I mean, they find some way to pull off a victory past arguably the best team in the league only to follow that up with four games against two different opponents that leave everyone standing around thinking to themselves, what the eff happened to this group of players?!

Seriously, what the hell happened? Did it take THAT much out of the Ducks against Chicago that they aren’t able to recuperate? Did they really think they’d be able to just play at a half ass rate and beat every other team in the league? Did the return of Corey Perry hurt more than the absence?

It cannot go on like this. If Chicago was the team to put the Ducks in the funk, they’re the only possible team that can pull them out of it, right?

This is it - the portal out of hell. The Ducks are entering a small window of opportunity, a tiny crack in the chain that binds the gates of Satan’s Lair. Herein lies an opportunity for this team to emerge from out of the embarrassment shit brick house they’ve put themselves into and return to their place in the world of all that is good and harmonious. With the possible emergence comes hope that they are able to escape minimally unscathed and ready to move forward from this awful stumble, tumble and crash landing that put them right in the face of pure and evil ugly.

Ha, you’d think I’d never seen the Ducks play like crap before, eh?

We all knew we’d see this fall at some point, and really, let’s just be grateful that it didn’t happen (or, potentially, doesn’t happen) in Round One of the playoffs. Really, can we be at all surprised that this slump has come all at one time? Eventually all of those come-from-behind-victories would catch up with them. All of those lucky bounces and sleight of hand opportunities might begin to dwindle, therefore causing this team to see they are most definitely, and not surprisingly, mortal hockey players.

Now might be a good time for them to find a comfortable stride. Glide their way through the remaining 15 games of the season before catching fire once more, just in the nick of time!

Besides, they were never going to be the end-all-be-all that was Chicago during their ridiculous streak, or the high and mighty that is, once again, Pittsburgh for their recent acquisition, which must be the hockey God’s gift to the universe.

I mean, this is Anaheim – we’re the only people who really care about snapping a losing streak, right?