Group Therapy: From Glow Sticks to Boning

Hey there! SK coming straight at ya with some good ole fashioned group therapy. You might not recognize me as I’ve aged, oh, about 25 years here in the past week and a half. I’ve probably gathered enough stress and pulled out enough hair to last a lifetime, but hey, that’s Ducks hockey for ya! It is absolutely amazing to me how the range of emotions between the regular season and the post season are amplified. I don’t just mean heightened, I mean a jolt of lightning to the body amplified.

I’m fairly confident –no, I’m certain – that I have woken my neighbors multiple times in the past week. Not just for cheering goals. Oh no, no, no, that would be considerate. I’m talking a range of curse words and expletives that would cause people to consider calling 911 for safety measures. I know they hear me. In the morning, before work, when we see each other in passing, they glance at me cautiously to ensure I don’t have any suspicious bruising on my face. I’m sure the loss of hair around my temples is a cause for concern, but so far, no late night knocks on the door from Social Services. And these are the 80 year old neighbors that live across the street!

Anyway, to that end, I thought we could rehash some things that have caused some hootin’ n’ hollerin’ in a (usually) peaceful home over the past week!

Corey Perry – It’s very nice of you to boost the save percentages of opposing goaltenders, but they’ll do fine without your assistance. Stop, please.

Nick Bonino – The puck likes you. I like the way you and the puck go boom boom. It’s a match made in heaven.

Daniel Winnik - Either score or forecheck...I don’t think you can do both though, right? Just work on doing one of them…very well.

Bobby Ryan - Do you even know that you are playing a game or are you just playing with yourself?

Cam Fowler – Left wing? Think about it.

Andrew Cogliano – I DO appreciate your willingness to lose a few more chickletts.

Jonas Hiller – 1, 2, 3 overtime’s the charm!

Emerson Etem – Normally my PSA would say that speed kills, but in your case, it enhances! Keep putting your head between your legs and fly, kid!

Power Play – pshhhh, scoring Power Play goals is sooooo overrated, right? Earth to Power Play…hello...hello...? Testing 1…2…..1…2….. Awww I think it's out for the summer.

Detroit Fans – I’d like to thank those of you are 100% smarter than this guy.

Damien Brunner – Lover of glow sticks.

Pavel Datsyuk – Bite me.