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Chris' Handshake Line: Still Bitter

It's taken me a while to get to this, and I honestly still don't want to, but you gotta do what you gotta do...

Jeff Gross

Jimmy Howard:

There are very few things worse in hockey than a diving goalie (I know we have one here, Viktor drives me nuts with that, too). I sincerely hope you get scored on every time you dramatically throw your head back and flop into your own net. ummmm... trying to be poisitive here.... Go U Maine!

Henrik Zetterberg:

Conn Smythe winner, captain of one of the most storied franchises in the National Hockey League, wearer of an incredible beard... you're my kind of guy. It seems like your buddy Pavel, over there, gets all the praise nowadays, with his sick hands and dangle-tastic moves but I've always been more partial to you. You just do everything right, and that really pisses me off, but I guess I admire it.

Pavel Datsyuk:

I really wish you would have gotten it, or at least you would have told Samuelsson that he was going to get it. But despite what I just said about Z, I know whenever you're on the ice I'm bound to see something that I imagined could be done with a hockey puck. Having you two guys on the same team just doesn't seem fair. I love Perry and Getzlaf, the Sedins are pretty impressive too, but you guys are the most dynamic duo in hockey.

Justin Abdelkader, Damien Brunner & Gustav Nyquist:

The next generation of Detroit Red Wings. You have a shitload to live up to. When Yzerman, Shanahan and Fedorov were on their way out, Zetterberg and Datsyuk came in to keep this one of the most ridiculously stacked teams ever. Now you're about to step into their shoes. Good luck!

Mike Babcock:

I know I should hate you for leaving, just like I do Bill Belichick, but I couldn't do it with Paul Kariya and I can't do it with you. Thank you for 2003, you're amazing. Have fun in the Eastern Conference.

Mike Illitch:

Sometimes, if you get there at exactly the right time and get a perfectly fresh piece, Little Caesars' Pizza isn't completely disgusting. Also you run a hell of a hockey team, sir. You'd better keep it up, because if this team falls off a cliff after moving to the East and we only have to see you twice a year, and never in the playoffs...... Well I guess that should be expected from a team that has crushed my hopes and dreams at almost every opportunity for the past 20 years. There are few things as heart breaking as losing to that team of yours, and even fewer more satisfying than beating them.

Help us Blackhawks, you're our only hope!