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Handshake Line: Keep Throwing Them Catfish

Late and last bitter words to congratulate the Preds on their victory a couple weeks back.

NHL: Stanley Cup Final-Nashville Predators at Pittsburgh Penguins Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports

It’s been a couple weeks since the Nashville Predators ousted the Anaheim Ducks from the 2017 Stanley Cup Western Conference Finals, and we are in the middle of the Stanley Cup Finals. So, I guess I have no choice but to emerge from my cave of eternal sadness to congratulate the Preds as they continue on their quest for the Lord Stanley (even though they are currently down 1 game).

Another year, another round, another loss. Obviously I am still very depressed. Every time I get hit with an Stanley Cup related post or article (which is literally every time I open up my computer), I cry a little inside.

That being said, every season has its ending, having our souls crushed was this year’s. So here goes....

Handshake Line

Last year’s first round exit to the Preds left a pretty bitter taste in my mouth. Bruce Boudreau was fired and in came former Ducks coach Randy Carlyle for a second chance at bringing the Cup back to Anaheim. But if I’m being completely transparent, and any one of you can look back at my tweets and posts, and see that I did not have high hopes for this 2016-17 season. Based on Carlyle’s track record, I figured we’d see a regression defensively, which I definitely got right for a large part of our season. It definitely was an adjustment period for the Anaheim Ducks and new coach Randy Carlyle—nearly taking two-thirds of the season. But when the Ducks figured their individual roles out, they got the machine rolling for a while. Post-season was a bit rough, but the difference from prior post-seasons was the fight that the Ducks kept putting up despite falling behind. I mean, Game 5 against the Oilers—doesn’t get any miraculous than that. So I had to bite my tongue and admit that where Carlyle exceeded Boudreau was during his post-season in-game adjustments. If something was not working, he fixed it right away.

But blah blah blah—this post isn’t supposed to be on my personal reflections on the season, but rather my accolades to the Nashville Predators who bested the Anaheim Ducks once again....

Congratulations to the entire Nashville Predators team for ousting the Chicago Blackhawks. Y’all made Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane irrelevant these playoffs. And that hasn’t happened for quite a good amount of years. If I’m being honest, I didn’t even have a chance to really pay attention to that series because the Preds just dominated the Blackhawks. You are very welcome that the Ducks ousted the 2nd godchild of NBCSN Connor McDavid during the 2nd round, because after that happened, you got all those NBC idiots to drool over your team. They love you!

Next, I need to address Ryan Johansen. Ry Ry—is it ok if I call you that girlfriend? I mean, you certainly did b**ch and moan a bit in front of the media. I’m not exactly sure what your PR guy told you, but whatever agenda you had in complaining about Ryan Kesler, only backfired. It made you look a little less threatening, and only egged Kesler on. He definitely won that one. You basically admitted that he got the best of you by getting under your skin. This is the big boys league—man up and show him what you are made of. Instead of complaining to the press post-game, bring it on the ice. That being said, I hate you, but I really do wish for the best on your recovery. No one wishes that kind of injury on any player. It would’ve been more entertaining to see you get bullied around by Kesler for a little longer.

To James Neal....I remembered your dirty antics from last year. I hate you. That is all.

To Vernon Fiddler....I think you cracked the line-up once. I just wanted to use this time to tell you that you are a dick, no matter what color you are wearing.

To Mike Fisher and his famous country singer wife....I know she’s married to you but couldn’t listen to Carrie Underwood’s music for the entire series because of her rude tweet. It’s called California traffic sweetie.

Man, I know this series did a number on me when I’m holding a grudge against the wife of a hockey player for supporting her husband.

To Filip Forsberg....My boyfriend (who’s only starting to learn about hockey) kept getting you mixed up with the Other Forsberg, you know, the better one? I kept laughing because there is no comparison as of yet. I don’t really hate you, but you’re kind of a pansy. A skilled one, but still a pansy. Just thought you should know.

To Colton Sissons....I didn’t even know how you were, but I called you Scissors the entire series (unlike my good AC comrade who had a much less flattering thought about your name). I guess you can say that you were the scissors that cut us in three ways with your lil’ playoff hattrick. So now I know you, and so does the rest of the Nashville fanbase.

To Pekke Rinne....I’m happy for you. I really am. Where have you been during these past couple years? I mean, really...who are you? You have been by far THE BEST and most impressive goaltender of the post-season, well that is until the Finals series against the Penguins....But in all honestly, your team would’ve sunk early on without you. And don’t you worry—you will for sure get the start in Game 3.

To P.K. Subban....I wish I can hate you, but I can’t. For the sake of seeing Montreal just grovel and come up with some sort of sorry excuse, I hope your team of yellow can lift up the Cup. I just know that you are going to release another video that makes me swell up in tears when you carry that Cup to the Children’s Hospital in Montreal. And probably also to the Children’s Hospital in Nashville. You are a good dude.

And lastly to the rest of Smashville....I cannot wait to go visit and attend a game there. You made a pocket of loyal hockey fans, at a place where many doubted it would work. You got good music, good beer, and good hockey. I think there is nothing better than seeing a new team rise up and make their names known to the hockey world. Keep throwing the catfish out there and annoy the sh** out of the Pens fans.