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Ducks vs Sharks GAME 1 MORNING THOUGHTS: Drunk Edition

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Many Bothans and/or possibly hops/barley/water died to bring you this

San Jose Sharks v Anaheim Ducks - Game One Photo by Jeff Gross/Getty Images

Hi! Everyone was either busy or at the game and given I live in a weird time zone I am always down for filling in when nobody else can do it so very sorry not sorry but you are stuck with me.

My only caveat for this particular write-up was that this game took place on a Friday (my time, I am from the future you see) and also during work time (we work strange hours in the future) and I was attending Friday after work drinks after work so I wouldn't be able to watch it until I got home... most likely heavily inebriated.

Bonus aside: I ride my bike (of the pedal variety) to work most days and on Fridays I do this on purpose so that I can partake in said Friday drinks; so I rode home (8.4km - 5.22 miles for you strange imperial folk) on my mountain bike in the dark having consumed a full pint of Garage Project Garagista and 2 halves of some 12% concoction of Gin & Tonic (It’s OK I’m allowed I am a gay man remember) to bring you this.

EDIT: The “It’s OK I’m allowed” is in reference to the Gin & Tonic, not the riding home drunk. I don’t ride on the roads, there is a bike path here that is well away from the roads so the only person I was putting in danger was myself. Apologies for not clarifying this sooner. PS I wasn’t actually drunk.

Enjoy.

First Period: Wow Dawn had um a choir? I dunno I was writing this not facing the TV and didn't turn around.

5 minutes in and no shots on goal for either team but Randy managed to play all 4 lines before the first 3 minutes were up - and even I - a drunk guy - realise this before Ahlers then voices it on the broadcast. Speaking of Ahlers. Let’s play the Ahlers/Hazy drinking game if we dare!

“Dust it Off” - DRINK, (pro tip, don't play this one too hard, you might actually die from alcohol poisoning)

‘Crazy Train’ plays on the PA - DRINK,

“xxx, California native, <insert player name here>” - DRINK,

Vehemently question a referees decision - DRINK

Add your own rule here! - DRINK

“Ducks are living Right/Ripe/Life” - DRINK

Corey Perry gets an unjustified penalty - DRINK

Timo Meir being an absolute twat to start, eventually draws a penalty for being said twat. Montour gets open twice on the ensuing penalty but cannot convert, was too cute on the first play. Should have bombed it, he knows he can. Gibby looks his usual insanely good-self on the penalty kill. As the penalty expires the first line gets a rush up ice and Ricky makes some crazy moves and almost gets it five hole but for Vlasic having a skate in the way on the back check.

First period ends; no score, Ducks didn't look incredibly awesome but then again neither did the Sharks.
1st Period Highlights: pretty sure the PA played “Mi Gente” at one point, Yaaaas Queen!

Intermission Thoughts: If I every went on Survivor I would be sure to grow an epic Brent Burns-esque beard before going to the Island and then make sure to hide as many scraps of food in there as possible to get an edge on the competition. Also I am so glad Joe Thornton inst playing because every-time I hear his name now I either think of the quote involving Hertl and 4 goals and getting his junk out or this stupid meme that Benny keeps posting in our slackchat involving an x-ray and a large dick. Either way his name is associated with a penis which you would think would work for me as a homosexual but he isn't my type so it really doesn't.

2nd Period: Because I am from the future I know this is where everything falls apart so here we go!

First 5 minutes, Ducks get a power play, Montour stands in front of the net? Welinski does his best Scott Niedermayer impression? .... I miss Andy McDonald.

Kesler gets a good chance in front but hits the post. Cogs gets a slashing call on the resulting counter-rush. Then Getzlaf gets another call on Labanc in the slot. Cogs probably didn't need to take the first one but Getz denied a goal on the 2nd. Sharks score easily on the 5 on 3. Spreading WAY out and leaving the Ducks triangle completely and utterly confused with all the extra space. That first power-play didn't need to happen, Cogs needed to have more faith in Gibby making the stop there.

9 Minutes in and our first San Diego Gulls shout-out in relation to Fehr. I miss that guy. Read my articles ‘google “Meanwhile On The Farm Anaheim Calling” to find out more on this’.

Peter Deboer kind of looks like that wood shop teacher you had in high school that took no crap and gave no shits.

6 Minutes left and the Sharks beat the Ducks with pure speed, Pavelski feeding Kane driving the center lane. The way to stop that is prevent them from playing that kind of game. The Ducks need to prevent the Sharks from playing the end-to-end/back-and-forth rush in the next game. 2-0 Zuckerbergs.

Less than 2 minutes later the Sharks capitalize once more against a perfect storm of terrible in both the 3rd pairing and 4th line being on the ice at the same time? What the hell coaches? Once again even drunk guy logic can figure out that is a bad idea.

You know that one scene in Interstellar where the 3rd parallel universe with infinite possibilities happens in Mathew McConaugheys’ office? I think that might have taken place in Brent Burns beard.

3 minutes left in the 2nd, Corey Perry gets an unjustified penalty (PS I still love you Fehr) DRINK!

End of the second. 3-0 MySpace.com/Bebo/TheFacebooks

Intermission Thoughts: Do you ever wonder if Corey Perry's farts are automatically blamed for being the bad smell even if they don't smell? I bet they are. Oh shit I just remembered I put $5 on the Ducks. FUCK!!!! Also if you don't like some of the Sharks dudes that have come up through their system (cough Mier cough) I can guarantee you will not like Emerson Clark.

3rd Period:

Whole lot of nothing but I am starting to see how the Ducks can improve next game. The younger players are by far and away the ones that stand out, I am not sure how the stats look but according to “drunk-guy-eye-test (TM)” Montour, Silfverberg, Kase, hell even Pettersson and Welinski have looked good in the 3rd. Of course because I ultimately know the Ducks lose this game it will mean that Carlyle will scratch Welinski in favour of Bieska so it is an extremely disappointing feeling of unstoppable inevitability that is ultimately killing my Friday night high.

Good one Randy.

Mid 3rd period highlights detailing Evander Kane’s goals. A lot of flack on twitter re-visiting the fact the Sharks got him for a conditional 1st, conditional 4th and Daniel O’Regan. Yeah if GMBM could have swung that kind of deal that would have been pretty sweet. But have hope Ducks/Gulls fans. Its the Steel, Jones and Mahura show next year. Terry is just the prelude.

Three Stars Of The Game

1. JT Brown, Jakob Silfverberg

Neither scored (obviously) but they stood out as actively trying to accomplish things with both speed and will.

2. Brandon Montour

No stats to back it up, but he most definitely had the most scoring chances and/or generated the most scoring chances from the Ducks side of things.

1. John Gibson

Tried his best but didn't get any help from his offense.

Have heart Ducks Fans, the Ducks lost to Edmonton in Game 1 of the 2nd round last year in similar fashion (except for the whole shut out thing) and we all know how that turned out.

Game 2 is tomorrow! I think?! If you are reading this on the day you call Friday, which for us future types is actually Saturday.