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Ducks vs Kings PREVIEW: The Jack-Off Continues

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Who can jack off the hardest?

NHL: Anaheim Ducks at Calgary Flames Sergei Belski-USA TODAY Sports

Game 76

Date: Saturday, March 23rd, 2019

Time: 7:30 PM PT / 10:30 PM ET

Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, CA

TV: Fox Sports Prime, FS-W

Radio: AM830

Your Enemy: Jewels From the Crown


The Anaheim Ducks have taken a quick break from their Jack-Off to win a few games, which has been nice to see from a fan standpoint. The team is putting together solid performances against good teams and walking away with victories. For those of you in support of the tank, the odds of any teams behind the Ducks (New Jersey Devils, LA Kings, Detroit Red Wings) winning enough games down the stretch to pass Anaheim in the standings and up their lottery percentage is slim at best. So let’s just enjoy the remainder of the season. No need to Jack Off to the point that you hurt the fans or the players.

The Los Angeles Kings are a different story, however. They are 3-6-1 in their last 10 games and have been Jacking Off harder than most other teams in the league. The Devils and Red Wings are keeping pace with LA on their Jack-Offs as well, also going 3-6-1 in their last 10 contests. The Kings are coming off a win against the San Jose Sharks on Thursday night and their Jack-Off has taken a quick pause as a result, so it will be interesting to see if they keep trying to beat other teams instead of beating themselves.

The Ducks also just beat the San Jose Sharks in a back-and-forth game that finally saw the Ducks come out on top with a 4-3 overtime victory courtesy of a game-winner from Mr. Lazy-Since-He-Signed-His-Extension Jakob Silfverberg. John Gibson played fairly well and kept the Ducks in it when the Sharks were pressing, and so that means that we will be seeing Ryan Miller between the pipes tonight against the Kings.

Player to Watch

I’ll be watching Derek Grant in this game. If the Instagram projected lineup that the Ducks posted ends up being accurate, Derek Grant will be centering Max Jones and Troy Terry tonight, and that line is arguably the most fun line that the Ducks have. The kids have impressed consistently, and their performance for the final seven games will more than likely influence the decisions made by Bob Murray this summer.

Keys to the Game

1. The Ducks just passed the New York Rangers in the standings with their win over the San Jose Sharks last night. I’m not saying that I want the team to lose, but a win tonight moves them past the Buffalo Sabres and ties them with the Edmonton Oilers. So, maybe just try to have fun?

2. If the Kings win, they pass the Red Wings in the standings and that lowers their odds of having Jack Hughes or Kaapo Kakko. I would prefer they don’t get either, please.

3. It’s Saturday night! If the Jack-Off is too vile to watch and rubs you the wrong way, there are plenty of other things you can do!