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Too Many Men On The Ice: Get Thee To The Strip Club, Magic Mike

No one actually wants to see Don Fehr and Gary Bettman naked; yet, they continue to insist on measuring packages.


SK, Anaheim Calling:

Move over gentlemen, you're embarrassing yourselves. You know how men hate it when we remind you that "women are always right"?

I'll go ahead and make a case in point: the 2012-13 NHL Lockout.

Quite frankly, we're over your egotistical machismo. For your pussy footing and your ridiculous need to prove that you're harboring the most testosterone in the room. Men - and your insistence on proving who has the stronger fist and the biggest penis - this isn't about any of that. You want to see who's got the bigger package? Join a strip club, Magic Mike. You want to fight it out? GET ON THE DAMN ICE!

We women, we don't have time for this. We're too busy running households, following you
around cleaning up your messes and making all the decisions you've never learned to make yourselves.

I'm still shocked and surprised that half of you haven't called your own mothers to ask them about what you should do next. Hell, you probably have. And it makes sense, she's a woman, she's going to be right. Chances are she's told you to get your head out of your asses and figure it out. So essentially we're all just waiting for you to get out of the corner she's put you in and for the tears to stop so you can get back to thinking this thing through.

Which brings me to my next point. Women, we carry the common sense gene. Sorry, men, but you don't have an ounce of it. You're too worried about the figures and the numbers and the NOW. Women, we think long term, the whole picture. We're able to look past tomorrow and say to ourselves, "that isn't going to work", all the while looking at today and not letting it get past us. We don't have time to waste today. We have to figure out how to handle today, tomorrow, and the next 20 years of our lives. And we do it in heels.

So what's our secret? We compromise. We're master manipulators (we have breasts) who've figured out how to let you think you're getting every damn thing you've ever wanted, when, in reality, we've simply figured out how to convince you that what we want is what you want. And that's okay, because in the end, we know what's best and you'll be blissfully and ignorantly happy about it.

You've procrastinated for far too long. It's time to shit or get off the pot. Trust me, in the end, you'll realize we're always right. The sooner you realize this very fact, the sooner we'll be yelling at you on the ice again. And, like I said, we'll let you go back to doing what you do best; proving you're the toughest, well-endowed man on the block and we'll go back to letting you believe that it was all your own doing.